Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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