I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
