found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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