We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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