I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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