My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
