i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
only you would photoshop your dick
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
