The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
she peed on how many people?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
