never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
