I smell stomach acid.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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