My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
