i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
