Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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