We're like a lot better than the average bears
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
When did we convert life to cartoon?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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