Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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