Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
