a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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