I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
