smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize