I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
