I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
