"it" just moved
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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