you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
