How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
