what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
