see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
