I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
