The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
