So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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