I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Randomize
