my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
