my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
