WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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