someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
