question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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