I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Watching her eat just hurts me
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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