He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
