BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My ass is underappreciated
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
