I cannot find my penis.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
