Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
