There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
