do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
