12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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