New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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