I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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