it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
