So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
