Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
