you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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