i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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