RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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