Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
