I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
