shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
