How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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