I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
