Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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