i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Congratulations! We have a period
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