Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
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Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
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You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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