You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Drunk is not a location!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
