it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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