oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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